New Beginnings
Fr. Carlo Magno Marcelo
June 29, 2011

All of us go through life’s transitions.  The problem is, many things are beginning, but we do not know the endings.  We need to navigate through these transitions.  There are endings, but we do not want to accept their beginnings.

A liminal story which is a very good story of transition is the "Road to Emmaus." The two disciples decided to go to Emmaus to forget what had happened in Jerusalem.  The ending is that, they went away from Jerusalem.  The transition is their journey to Emmaus where they encountered Jesus but did not recognize Him because they were spiritually blind and slow of heart.  Their eyes were opened only during the breaking of the bread.  The beginning is their return to Jerusalem.  Jerusalem that used to be called a place of failure is now called a "place of fulfillment.”

What’s the way out of Liminality?  The only healthy way out is IN.  Go through it.  Embrace it.  Accept it.  That which we resist will persist.  Jesus did not promise that we will not encounter storms in our life.  His promise is that He will be with us in the middle of the storm.

So how shall we navigate our transitions?   Name it. Experience it.  Talk about it, with your Guide. Give expression to it.  If you know certain skills like art, journalism or writing a diary, sculpture, poetry, gardening or carpentry, or whatever that would give expression to what you are experiencing, do it.  Another thing is, get a guide, one who could be objective.  Talk about it with a good friend who could keep a secret.

Loss and grief.  This is what we undergo during liminality. Loss is something we lost. Grief is the healthy way of expressing loss.  We really have to grieve if we lose someone or something.  If we do not grieve, later on, it will catch on us. That we resist will always persist.

Two inescapable aspects – finitude and attachment.  Who among us is immortal?  Finitude, we cannot live forever.  We experience loss and grief because we have attachment.
Grieving has many faces.
-We become disoriented
-We feel depressed
-There is anger
-Nostalgia (we always recall the past)
-Accompanying feeling of numbness

You will ask me, “Father, how long are we going to grieve?”  The length of grieving depends on the degree of attachment.  Loss and grief happen during liminality.  The challenge is how soon can we detach ourselves.  Because that is necessary for a new beginning.
Facing our loss and grief.
-We bury it in our body, knowingly or unknowingly.  We cannot sleep; have frequent headache, backache, ulcer, skin rashes, eating disorder.
-We privatize it and hold it in. We experience depression.  Others have process addiction - addiction to work, fixation, frequent shopping, always eating.
-We put mask on it.  We always crack jokes, but deep within, there was a tragedy that happened.  We look good outside, but deep inside we’re not.  We love the pain, but the pain poisons our heart.

These all appear on persons with co-dependency. They have forgotten themselves, they think their only purpose in life depends on those persons they care about. 
A healthy way to face our grief is to give it a voice.  Express our feelings to others who we trust - a confessor, counselor, spiritual director or best friend.    Ritualize it.  The most effective way of navigating a transition.  Learn how to say "goodbye."
Memorialize it.  In churches, there is a "memorial to the unborn." This will alleviate our depression so we could remember our loved ones.
Cry out to God in prayer.  Pray Psalm 130 or read the Book of Lamentations.
Once we name our endings, once we are in it, then we can look at the trustworthy signs of new beginnings.
Beginnings.  Not a replay of what we have already done.  In the Scriptures, you cannot put new wine to old wineskins.  Our ‘mechanistic’ culture teaches us that everything starts with a switch of a key.  It won’t be that easy.
How would you  know that a new beginning is authentic, real?  Check it through resonance.  Ask yourself, is my new beginning fits my life? Is there energy to move on?
Ask others, is this new or it’s my old pattern again?  Don’t ask for approval or disapproval.  Another is to ask yourself, am I avoiding an ending or aborting liminality?
Transition is a call to conversion.  We need to:
-Lose our ego control, our false self.
-Discover our original face that which God created and not the person we created for the world to see.

Four tasks in a transition
1. Accept and acknowledge the loss.
2. Review and evaluate the past.
3. Continue the options for the future.
4. Discern what to hold on and what to let go.
What to hold on are anchors such as virtues, family and friends, support groups. What to let go of are unnecessary luggage like vices, unhealthy relationships.  We usually fight for these things.
Know the circles of support.  The first is the inner self.  Nourish it through prayer, reading, retreat, recollection.  Create a healthy sense of detachment.
Soulmate - a person with feeling of deep affinity.  Deep similarity, deep love. Closed friends.
Family, friends, communities.
Acquaintances, work colleagues and social groups.
We can’t say that we don’t need others.  Remember the road to Emmaus.  Since they were spiritually blind, they needed another to see what has happened objectively. We say, "I can’t seem to start."  So, what do we need to do?
-Stop getting ready.  Just do it.
-Believe in yourself.  Set achievable goals.  Take things step by step.
-Resist the siren’s song.
-Shift from goal to process.
What can we observe after liminality?  One comes home.  We begin to re-connect because we were ‘somewhere’ else. That’s the way to navigate through life’s transitions.